Today, I’m going to break down for you the right way to make a New Year’s resolution, and help you avoid all the mistakes and pitfalls that I see most women make when making any wellness, diet, fitness-related goal.
At the end of this blog, I have a question I need everyone to answer. And if you answer, it may lead to a really, really fun opportunity in the future.
Here are the top mistakes I see women make.
Setting number goals.
This is so normal. This was always me. I was big on this. I mean I was crazy with the numbers. I literally had spreadsheets where I tracked:
- every measurement on my body
- every day that I went to the gym
- every macro
- every gram of fat
- gram of protein
- gram of carbs
- my steps every day
- my weight lifting
- my reps
It was…it was nuts.
We’re taught to set number goals.
You go to the gym and you meet with the trainer your free intro session. They do all your stats and they have you set a goal. I know all about this because I worked as a personal trainer at this really bougie, elite health club. So I was taught on the other end how to conduct these first introductory sessions and how to get people to set goals that would have them feeling… I mean this is kind of twisted – we were really trained in how to set goals that made people feel inferior, and like they had a lot of work to do. Because it made them feel dependent on the gym. So just a heads up – that’s how that shit works.
I mean you can obviously be really successful by joining a gym and committing to it. I’m just letting you know, kind of a little insider knowledge, they’re literally trained in having you feel inferior and dependent on them.
Anyway – that was a rant.
Setting negative goals.
What I mean by negative goal is they set a goal to not do something. So you say, “My goal for the new year is to not nighttime snack /not eat dairy / stop drinking soda or sports drinks / whatever.”
None of these are things that you shouldn’t stop doing. But the goal is set up backwards. That’s not a goal in and of itself.
Negative goals tend to be pipe dreams. We just throw out there what we wish we would stop doing and hope that because now we call it a “goal,” we’ll feel motivated enough to follow through.
So, let’s reverse engineer and set your goals right this year. This is kind of my woo woo, coaching magic trick:
Set a behavior goal.
So, a behavior goal is something that you have control over. The reason numbers are a problem, and setting goals are a problem, is because the number doesn’t actually have power. You’re the one with power.The problem with negative goals is they do not set in place what you will do.
For example, I wish I would stop being 10 minutes late everywhere I go. But just saying, “My new resolution is to not be late anymore” isn’t actually giving me anything to go on.
Our mind requires much much more baby step – kind of a spoon feeding us what to do instead.
You need action.
You need practices.
You need to know exactly what you are going to do.
Then you might hit some numbers! But the number can’t be the goal. Numbers can be consequences. Behaviors are the New Years Resolution.
Everybody’s talking about, taking 10,000 steps a day. I think that’s awesome. I would love it if everyone would start getting 10,000 steps a day.
But I know that setting the goal of “10,000 steps a day” doesn’t make it happen. Because the number doesn’t have any power over your work life. The number doesn’t any power over your commute, over your attitude, or just your motivation at 9 p.m. after an 11 hour workday.
The number isn’t going to help. What will help is a behavior goal that says,:
- “I’m going to start standing up and doing a lap around the office before lunch everyday.“
And then, that becomes:
- “After breakfast, and before lunch.”
And then, that becomes:
- “Every hour.”
That’s a behavior goal! The number of hitting 10,000 goddamned steps, that’s a consequence.
Here’s how setting a negative goal can be replaced with setting a behavior goal:
Let’s say your goal was, “I’m going to not have desserts. I’m giving up my sweet tooth, because I’m going to lose the weight.”
That’s cool! Listen if you want to start eating less sugar, I’m all about getting us off the sugar. I mean…Jesus! But the goal of, “I’m not going to eat the sugar,” isn’t a goal.
So an alternative would be to set a behavior goal.
First, start small. OK? You’re not going to never have a sweet again. Good luck. Good fucking luck. I’ve tried it. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If you can do it, you’re stronger than me and I’m…I’m kind of psycho.
When are you most likely to eat sweets? Let’s say it’s when you’re out to eat. You’re so used to ordering something as, the finale when you’re out to eat, that when they take away the entree plate, your brain is still going to crave: “I get something else after this!”
So, instead of ordering dessert every time we go out to eat, what can you do?
One is – this is fun! – soothe that craving by picking out something healthy on the appetizer menu that you use as a finisher!
Like , I loved getting the steamed edamame with salt on it. Oh! Or warm olives. All that salt, that would be really satisfying. And it’s just olives, calm now. A hummus dip! Get a hummus dip as your finisher!
Now you’re getting something you get to enjoy it, and it’s not sugar!
Break it down. Baby spoon feed yourself other things you can do. You see how creative this is? This is so possible! This is so doable!
And do you see how the way we’re taught to make goals just sets us up to fail from the get go, so we keep coming back to the diet industry every damn year? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of it. I was in the machine. I worked in a diet industry. I worked in the medical, clinical weight loss industry. You don’t need that shit.
This is a game of your brain. This is a game of behaviour, habit loops, neurology, beliefs, your emotions, your mindset, your motivation, your willpower…and a little bit of nutritional science to sprinkle on top.
So that’s my method
for setting your New Year’s resolution or any goal that is diet, weight, fitness, food, eating related – anything that’s lifestyle related. It’s got to be behavior-based goal setting.
So now my big question for you:
Tell me in the comments below:
If I took this goal setting system (and really this was just the tip. This was just an intro, a little glimpse of how it works) into a live ,online workshop, would you be interested?
Would you want to hang out and do this in real time with me as your coach?
As a group?
Give me a, “Let’s do this!” in the comments if you would love to have this as a workshop that we could do together.
If this blog post was helpful for you please share it with even just one person you know would benefit from it.
And subscribe to my YouTube channel! I’m telling you guys, I’m making a video every week. That’s my New Year’s resolution. I’m not kidding. That is my new year’s resolution. It is behavior-based. I’m stoked on it. I love doing this.
Here’s link to my Diet Willpower Course. This might be the time of year as you’re setting your resolution. Five dollars, five lessons, in five days.
It’s my five key elements to enhancing, maximizing, supercharging your Diet Willpower. They’re all based on REAL behaviour science. The Course comes with a workbook that is 19 pages long. You could be starting on it right now! Get in the game, get into gear.
That’s a mouthful. I just told you, like, so many different things. But keep coming back. I love having you here. I love doing this. I love connecting on this.This is a safe space for you to be. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so glad you’re here.